The start of a new chapter

Before our shots

after our shots. poor baby!

E starts daycare tomorrow.  This is a whole new chapter in parenting and baby-hood.  She got her shots today with much red-faced, breath holding screaming.  But she was still a champ.  They even had to do an extra stick on her to do a blood sugar check because of her persistant thrush (it was fine)  She's still short and round with a big head (11 lbs 14.5 oz, 21.5 inches, 16.25 inch circumference head)
And it's 10:20 at night the night before.  She's sleeping in her crib better than any other night and I can't go to sleep because of incessant worry and overwhelming guilt.

I have to keep telling myself "This is a good thing."  I do want to go back to work.  I miss my students and I miss working but I'm having such a hard time imagining going 12 hours without cuddling, kissing, snuggling, playing, changing, feeding and otherwise enjoying my little one.  It's hard.  I'm so torn and sad and just....it's just hard. 

I know so many mothers who must have gone through this and they're all fine.  Their babies are fine and thriving and everything is fine. so.. :"this is a good thing"

I've written checklists for evening and morning routines so that I don't forget to do anything.  I'm lesson planed and even have copies made for the week.  It's a testing week so it will ease me back into this whole working thing with shorter classes.  I'm all set to pump at work and still, I can't get over this sense of the fact that I'm forgetting something or will mess something up.

"this is a good thing"                  "this is a good thing"            "this is a good thing"

Come tomorrow at 6pm when Ken and I get home I know I'm going to need some serious baby time to convince myself that this is a good thing.