So on the 19th E went to daycare for the first time. The night before Ken and I sat up making sure we knew how everything would run. I made am and pm check lists for myself. The pm one includes things like: make bottles, set out clothes, and take vitamin. The am list includes: get dressed, eat and leave a note for Ken. Silly I know but surprisingly important at 430am.
Got up at 430 ate, got dressed, then got ms E up and feed her, dressed her and tried to put her back to sleep and she would have none of it! So I got to play with her a little before having to leave. Said goodbye to her and left. Came back in because I forgot part of my pump, said goodbye again, then came back in because it was only 5 more minutes until Ken's alarm was going to go off. Left when there was one more minute until Ken would wake.
The students were so happy to see me! One class applauded when I walked in. Definitely made me feel good. At 9 I got to try pumping at work for the first time. It is a little awkward, despite the fact that the choir teacher is letting me use her lockable, windowless office. During lunch Ken went to check on E and was able to Skype with me. It was good to see her happy and well cared for.
The day actually passed quickly and with no tears, well almost tears in the car on the drive in, but almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. I got to sneak out about half an hour early from study hall in order to pick her up.
Driving there I had a steady chant of' baby, baby, baby' going through my head. When I arrived the teacher went over to E's crib and said 'oh there is someone here for you, I think you will really like who it is' and then picked E up and turned her around to face me... And she burst into tears! Full scale melt down crying. The teacher looked at me, shocked and said 'that was not the reaction I expected' I just laughed. After a feeding and some cuddling she was all smiles and sunshine.
Apparently during the week E has adjusted well and is making friends. A slightly older baby grabbed E's hand during circle time and then they proceeded to have a conversation of coos. And when I picked her up on Friday the boy she was laying next to started fussing and stopped when I put her back down next to him.
Another milestone down, another step in guiding her to be an independent, functioning member of society. It is hard, but it is a good thing.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Monday, February 18, 2013
The start of a new chapter
 |
| Before our shots |
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| after our shots. poor baby! |
And it's 10:20 at night the night before. She's sleeping in her crib better than any other night and I can't go to sleep because of incessant worry and overwhelming guilt.
I have to keep telling myself "This is a good thing." I do want to go back to work. I miss my students and I miss working but I'm having such a hard time imagining going 12 hours without cuddling, kissing, snuggling, playing, changing, feeding and otherwise enjoying my little one. It's hard. I'm so torn and sad and just....it's just hard.
I know so many mothers who must have gone through this and they're all fine. Their babies are fine and thriving and everything is fine. so.. :"this is a good thing"
I've written checklists for evening and morning routines so that I don't forget to do anything. I'm lesson planed and even have copies made for the week. It's a testing week so it will ease me back into this whole working thing with shorter classes. I'm all set to pump at work and still, I can't get over this sense of the fact that I'm forgetting something or will mess something up.
"this is a good thing" "this is a good thing" "this is a good thing"
Come tomorrow at 6pm when Ken and I get home I know I'm going to need some serious baby time to convince myself that this is a good thing.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Happy 2 month birthday!
What a crazy month it has been! This month has flown by. It seems like such a short time ago that we were singing happy birthday over a box of leftover Christmas Toffifay.
This month we celebrated at our friends' house. They have three awesome little girls, two of whom are old enough to sing happy birthday along with us. No candles or candy this time though we did have some super yummy berries and whipped cream for a treat. The little girls loved playing with E. the younger of the two loved playing with her hair and was fascinated with her fontanel. The older girl wanted to read The BFG to her before bedtime (this is pretty awesome as she's only 6 and a champion reader!). E was showered in kisses.
This month has also seen a big development in E's ability to talk. No first words or anything yet, but first sounds and first smiles. She has a pretty reliable grumpy grunt that Ken and I call her baby dragon noise. She snuffles and grunts to let us know she's unhappy. She also has a couple of different coos. We're still trying to decode them but for the most part they just seem to mean "I'm happy and I'm talking to you" We got her first real squeal of joy just the other day. She also has a very sad face when she pulls the corners of her mouth down, sticks her lower lip out and says "Weh!" She's the only baby I've met who actually pronounces the W in her cries. This little unhappy noise is usually followed by full scale crying but Ken and I have to stifle giggles when she does it. It's so hard but we try not to laugh at the sad baby.
E is doing great at tummy time. She reliably gets her head up to 45 and sometimes 90 degrees. She also reliably holds her head up when held now. She will wobble on occasion but not nearly as much. She also had her first sessions in her bumbo seat, practicing sitting up. Most of the time she slumps to the side after a few minutes but she's still doing well holding her head up.
She is also very into staring at faces. She loves Mommy and Daddy's faces best of course. We can reliably get smiles and coos out of her with our loving gazes (and silly noises and sticking out tongues and such) She has even started talking to her self in her mirror. She even gives strangers her prized smiles. Ken was showing her off to the trainers at his gym and she dropped a couple of smiles on them and they all promptly melted.
She is still trying to figure out her hands. She really, really, really likes them and wants so badly to suck on them. She's successfully gotten her thumb several times but it's not a constant thing. Most often she just ends up sucking on her entire fist, drooling everywhere and frustrating herself. Sometimes, if Mommy hasn't been good about keeping her nails trimmed, she even scratches her face. But she really wants that comfort of sucking on something...so Mommy and Daddy caved. now we talked to our dental hygienist friend first, and decided that the damage a pacifier can do to teeth is a lot less than what a thumb can do...and it's a lot easier to take away a binky than a thumb so....E got her first taste of binky and she LOVES it. She would spend 24/7 with a binky if we let her, but we don't. Right now she only gets it at naps and if we are desperate in public.
She is also getting very good at tracking with her eyes and gripping with her hands. She loves her octopus and her rattles. Her panda rattle seems to hold her gaze the most, though her wooden rattle seems to be the easiest for her to hold onto and move around.
And just to completely embarrass her when she's older...She's a champion gassy baby. When she fills her diaper she lets everyone in the room know. Ken and I have shared a lot of giggles over her burping and farting and yes, even pooping. She is quite a forceful pooper sometimes. She's overloaded her fair share of diapers, getting mommy in the process a few times. Thus far daddy has escaped being pooed on...the time will come though and there will be much laughter. She also sloshes some times. After eating we bounce her to burp her some times and you can actually hear sloshing. it's the craziest thing and it entertains me probably more than it should.
E is growing up big and strong. She has her 2 month Dr appointment on Monday, where she'll get her first round of shots. And we'll see just how much she's grown. This upcoming month will hopefully see even more milestones, including her first time at day care on Tuesday. Mommy will probably cry, a lot. It will be very hard to be away from this sweet baby and to not be able to see her chew through the milestones like I've gotten to watch for the last 2 months. It hurts my heart but I know that it will be good for me to get back out into the world, see my students, talk to adults and then come home and cuddle my baby close. It will also help me decide what I want to do with next year in terms of full time work, part time work or stay at home. It's a big decision and one I won't make lightly. But that's for later, for now, sleep sweet and deep my little 2 month old darling. Your adventures await you in the morning!
This month we celebrated at our friends' house. They have three awesome little girls, two of whom are old enough to sing happy birthday along with us. No candles or candy this time though we did have some super yummy berries and whipped cream for a treat. The little girls loved playing with E. the younger of the two loved playing with her hair and was fascinated with her fontanel. The older girl wanted to read The BFG to her before bedtime (this is pretty awesome as she's only 6 and a champion reader!). E was showered in kisses.
This month has also seen a big development in E's ability to talk. No first words or anything yet, but first sounds and first smiles. She has a pretty reliable grumpy grunt that Ken and I call her baby dragon noise. She snuffles and grunts to let us know she's unhappy. She also has a couple of different coos. We're still trying to decode them but for the most part they just seem to mean "I'm happy and I'm talking to you" We got her first real squeal of joy just the other day. She also has a very sad face when she pulls the corners of her mouth down, sticks her lower lip out and says "Weh!" She's the only baby I've met who actually pronounces the W in her cries. This little unhappy noise is usually followed by full scale crying but Ken and I have to stifle giggles when she does it. It's so hard but we try not to laugh at the sad baby.
 |
| E sitting and bonding with her Elephant |
E is doing great at tummy time. She reliably gets her head up to 45 and sometimes 90 degrees. She also reliably holds her head up when held now. She will wobble on occasion but not nearly as much. She also had her first sessions in her bumbo seat, practicing sitting up. Most of the time she slumps to the side after a few minutes but she's still doing well holding her head up.
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| Who is that cute baby in the mirror? |
 |
| Binky love, this is going to be rough in a year or so when we take it away. |
 |
| thanks for the rattle Tori! |
And just to completely embarrass her when she's older...She's a champion gassy baby. When she fills her diaper she lets everyone in the room know. Ken and I have shared a lot of giggles over her burping and farting and yes, even pooping. She is quite a forceful pooper sometimes. She's overloaded her fair share of diapers, getting mommy in the process a few times. Thus far daddy has escaped being pooed on...the time will come though and there will be much laughter. She also sloshes some times. After eating we bounce her to burp her some times and you can actually hear sloshing. it's the craziest thing and it entertains me probably more than it should.
E is growing up big and strong. She has her 2 month Dr appointment on Monday, where she'll get her first round of shots. And we'll see just how much she's grown. This upcoming month will hopefully see even more milestones, including her first time at day care on Tuesday. Mommy will probably cry, a lot. It will be very hard to be away from this sweet baby and to not be able to see her chew through the milestones like I've gotten to watch for the last 2 months. It hurts my heart but I know that it will be good for me to get back out into the world, see my students, talk to adults and then come home and cuddle my baby close. It will also help me decide what I want to do with next year in terms of full time work, part time work or stay at home. It's a big decision and one I won't make lightly. But that's for later, for now, sleep sweet and deep my little 2 month old darling. Your adventures await you in the morning!
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Love letter to E
Happy Valentine's Day my sweet love,
Mommy and Daddy don't really celebrate Valentine's day because we feel it is overly commercialized and silly that people need a day to tell their loved ones that they love them. And while we will buy you valentines day cards for your class once you are in school, and give you silly heart covered toy, clothes and candy, the truth is, we love you every day. We love you so much. I hope that Mommy and Daddy can teach you that love, real love, doesn't happen in a day, or on a day. Real love happens every day. Real love isn't always chocolates and flowers and romance. Those are all parts of real love, but real love is so much more.
I hope Mommy and Daddy can teach you that real love is time. Yes today you got a new red monkey rattle that Mommy promptly named 'Valentine' as your first Valentine's day present and you got cards from some of you doting relatives that are very cute, and very appreciated and all of these are symbols of the love these people have for you. But real love looks different. Real love is your grandparents calling to skype with you and just wanting to watch you for hours on end because they love you and miss you and want to see you smile, coo, cry, and even just stare off into space. Real love is your Mommy and Daddy playing with you together trying to make you laugh and coo and smile by squeaking at you in silly voices and playing silly games. Real love is when those who love you hold you close and tight as you scream your guts out, because we want you to feel comforted and it makes us sad when you cry. Real love is crying when we think about leaving you at daycare because we are going to miss you so much during the day.
I hope that when you grow up into a young lady you know what real love is. I want you to be able to give real love and you don't let anyone you choose to love give you anything less than real love. I want you to enjoy the flowers and chocolate or gifts if they make you happy, but expect the support, the joy, the pain and all of the experiences that come with real love and never let anyone make you feel like you aren't worth real love or don't deserve real love. Because you do. Everyone does.
Love and be loved my little one.
-Mommy
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| mommy really wants these valentines for your class |
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| You seem to like Valentine, your red monkey rattle. |
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| you gave daddy and mommy the gifts of smiles and the most "talking" we have heard so far. |
Love and be loved my little one.
-Mommy
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The sweetest lullaby
Lullabies have always been a big deal to me. As a baby sitter I prided myself on my ability to sing kids to sleep. My playlist usually includes "Puff the Magic Dragon", "Autumn to May", "Rainbow Connection" and some classics like "Twinkle, Twinkle", "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" and a mash up of the last two with the alphabet song.
When I was a baby my lullaby was "Autumn to May" and "For Baby". So those two have a strong place in my heart and were some of the first songs I sang to E. Her first week home from the hospital I couldn't get through "Puff" without crying (silly hormones). My mom also had a special lullaby that her father used to sing to her when she was little. She shared it with me and after a lot of google searching and practice I was able to sing it to E and video it to show my mom. I still have to look at the lyrics when I want to sing it but I'm pretty good at humming it now.
I've downloaded a few lullaby albums to help Ken and I learn some as his repertoire is sadly lacking in the lullaby department and mine can always use more. We like Paul Simon and Kenny Loggins and I'm a sucker for Peter, Paul and Mary.
We try to sing other times, not just at bedtime and expose her to all kinds of music that we like. From Show tunes to Ani Difranco to Flogging Molly and Pink Floyd.
But a lot of the time I just make up silly songs off the cuff. Ken is picking it up too much to my great pleasure. I think it is the sweetest thing in the world when he sings to his daughter. Off-key, off-beat and forgetting words left and right but it is absolutely wonderful. Whether it's about diaper changes, gas, or singing her to sleep every time he sings to her it melts my heart.
My favorite is of course when he sings her to sleep. Despite a lacking song base he still manages to sing her to sleep. Here's tonight's lullaby, it totally made me cry, though these were tears of laughter!
Ken's version of "ba ba black sheep"
To Ra loo ra loo ra lie
this is a daddy lullaby
baa baa black sheep have you any wool
yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
one for the preacher,
one for the man,
one for the little boy who lost his hand
daddy doesn't know where these lullabies will go
but he just make momma crack up so
baa baa black sheep have you any wool
yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
and by the end of it, she was asleep!
When I was a baby my lullaby was "Autumn to May" and "For Baby". So those two have a strong place in my heart and were some of the first songs I sang to E. Her first week home from the hospital I couldn't get through "Puff" without crying (silly hormones). My mom also had a special lullaby that her father used to sing to her when she was little. She shared it with me and after a lot of google searching and practice I was able to sing it to E and video it to show my mom. I still have to look at the lyrics when I want to sing it but I'm pretty good at humming it now.
I've downloaded a few lullaby albums to help Ken and I learn some as his repertoire is sadly lacking in the lullaby department and mine can always use more. We like Paul Simon and Kenny Loggins and I'm a sucker for Peter, Paul and Mary.
We try to sing other times, not just at bedtime and expose her to all kinds of music that we like. From Show tunes to Ani Difranco to Flogging Molly and Pink Floyd.
But a lot of the time I just make up silly songs off the cuff. Ken is picking it up too much to my great pleasure. I think it is the sweetest thing in the world when he sings to his daughter. Off-key, off-beat and forgetting words left and right but it is absolutely wonderful. Whether it's about diaper changes, gas, or singing her to sleep every time he sings to her it melts my heart.
My favorite is of course when he sings her to sleep. Despite a lacking song base he still manages to sing her to sleep. Here's tonight's lullaby, it totally made me cry, though these were tears of laughter!
 |
| He's such a wonderful father. |
To Ra loo ra loo ra lie
this is a daddy lullaby
baa baa black sheep have you any wool
yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
one for the preacher,
one for the man,
one for the little boy who lost his hand
daddy doesn't know where these lullabies will go
but he just make momma crack up so
baa baa black sheep have you any wool
yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
and by the end of it, she was asleep!
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Rule #1 or the nasal aspirator is your friend
At the hospital the nurses told me a few things about being a mom. 'The first rule of being a mom,' they said 'is make sure the baby can breathe. After that you'll just figure it out as you go .'
There have been a few times when I have had to go back to rule #1 and all of them terrified me beyond all measure. Never have I felt so scared, so protective, so frantic, helpless, and yet focused and determined at the same time.
The first time was the first night in the hospital. We had just moved rooms to a recovery room. We were settling down, getting situated and waiting for my mom to arrive when out of the blue E spit up. Not your normal baby spit up, but major retching, gagging, horrible noises spit up. She then started choking on said spit up. I grabbed the nasal aspirator and tried to use it meanwhile E was turning a horrible shade of purple I never want to see again. I jabbed frantically at the call button, Ken ran for the nurses station. A nurse came in, whacked E on the back, suctioned hey nose and mouth and E started breathing, well, crying. Crisis averted, everyone reassured the terrified new mom that I had done everything right, my mom arrived and I broke down and sobbed out of fear.
The second time was really a false alarm, but no less scary. E was in her second or third week of life and was having a rough time sleeping. We ended up sleeping on the couch together, her on my chest, me on my back on the couch. I awoke startled and did what I still do about 20 times a day, I checked to make sure she was breathing. She wasn't. My heart raced, I started to panic trying desperately to remember infant CPR. Terrified I called her name. Nothing. It felt like an eternity was passing by, an eternity where my baby wasn't breathing... and then she started hyperventilating. Apparently this is a normal newborn breathing pattern. In truth the pause was probably less than 5 seconds, but it felt like eternity to my sleep deprived, over protective brain.
Tonight was the third time. E was sleeping, so we're Ken and I. Suddenly she started screaming. It was not any cry she'd uttered in her 7 weeks of life, it was far more distressed, far more loud and far more gut wrenching than anything we had heard previously. I scooped her up, immediately identifying that the cause of distress was her breathing. It was heavily labored, mucusy, gaspy, and terrifying. I ran for the living room where we keep the aspirator, Ken close on my heels. Nasal aspirator in hand I sucked snot for all I was worth. The screaming continued. more suction, more screaming, real tears flowing out of my baby's eyes. Terrified parents. More desperate suctioning. Eventually the horrible, wet, gaspy noises subside back into mostly normal breathing. Checked for fever, none. Checked again just to be sure, still none. Fretted, debated the emergency room, called the after hour nurse line. Was told not to go in if she was breathing fine and had no fever. Was told to suction frequently.
Now she is breathing just fine, sleeping in my arms. We have a doctor's appointment in a few hours, and it is Ken's turn to sleep while I hold the baby, we will switch off in a bit.
Oh rule 1, you are so scary and so important.
E just started crying, normal, 'I am hungry, pooping, and just waking up'cries. How sweet those cries are. I am off to feed, snuggle her and probably cry a bit.
update:
back from the doctors, she may have a cold but otherwise got a clean bill of health. The perscription - nasal aspirator, possibly saline drops if necessary, lots of suctioning and a nap for mom.
We are keeping her upright to sleep and suctioning her when we hear gurgles. She barely even stirs now when we aspirate her.
A little bit ago she woke and wanted to nurse. After nursing she was sitting her her bouncy seat and gurgled a little, I suctioned her and she looked at me, fussed a little bit and then gave me one of her precious smiles. She smiling for real recently so getting a smile and knowing it is not gas is heart-melting. She's such a good baby, a little snotty currently but still so sweet.
There have been a few times when I have had to go back to rule #1 and all of them terrified me beyond all measure. Never have I felt so scared, so protective, so frantic, helpless, and yet focused and determined at the same time.
The first time was the first night in the hospital. We had just moved rooms to a recovery room. We were settling down, getting situated and waiting for my mom to arrive when out of the blue E spit up. Not your normal baby spit up, but major retching, gagging, horrible noises spit up. She then started choking on said spit up. I grabbed the nasal aspirator and tried to use it meanwhile E was turning a horrible shade of purple I never want to see again. I jabbed frantically at the call button, Ken ran for the nurses station. A nurse came in, whacked E on the back, suctioned hey nose and mouth and E started breathing, well, crying. Crisis averted, everyone reassured the terrified new mom that I had done everything right, my mom arrived and I broke down and sobbed out of fear.
The second time was really a false alarm, but no less scary. E was in her second or third week of life and was having a rough time sleeping. We ended up sleeping on the couch together, her on my chest, me on my back on the couch. I awoke startled and did what I still do about 20 times a day, I checked to make sure she was breathing. She wasn't. My heart raced, I started to panic trying desperately to remember infant CPR. Terrified I called her name. Nothing. It felt like an eternity was passing by, an eternity where my baby wasn't breathing... and then she started hyperventilating. Apparently this is a normal newborn breathing pattern. In truth the pause was probably less than 5 seconds, but it felt like eternity to my sleep deprived, over protective brain.
Tonight was the third time. E was sleeping, so we're Ken and I. Suddenly she started screaming. It was not any cry she'd uttered in her 7 weeks of life, it was far more distressed, far more loud and far more gut wrenching than anything we had heard previously. I scooped her up, immediately identifying that the cause of distress was her breathing. It was heavily labored, mucusy, gaspy, and terrifying. I ran for the living room where we keep the aspirator, Ken close on my heels. Nasal aspirator in hand I sucked snot for all I was worth. The screaming continued. more suction, more screaming, real tears flowing out of my baby's eyes. Terrified parents. More desperate suctioning. Eventually the horrible, wet, gaspy noises subside back into mostly normal breathing. Checked for fever, none. Checked again just to be sure, still none. Fretted, debated the emergency room, called the after hour nurse line. Was told not to go in if she was breathing fine and had no fever. Was told to suction frequently.
Now she is breathing just fine, sleeping in my arms. We have a doctor's appointment in a few hours, and it is Ken's turn to sleep while I hold the baby, we will switch off in a bit.
Oh rule 1, you are so scary and so important.
E just started crying, normal, 'I am hungry, pooping, and just waking up'cries. How sweet those cries are. I am off to feed, snuggle her and probably cry a bit.
update:
back from the doctors, she may have a cold but otherwise got a clean bill of health. The perscription - nasal aspirator, possibly saline drops if necessary, lots of suctioning and a nap for mom.
We are keeping her upright to sleep and suctioning her when we hear gurgles. She barely even stirs now when we aspirate her.
A little bit ago she woke and wanted to nurse. After nursing she was sitting her her bouncy seat and gurgled a little, I suctioned her and she looked at me, fussed a little bit and then gave me one of her precious smiles. She smiling for real recently so getting a smile and knowing it is not gas is heart-melting. She's such a good baby, a little snotty currently but still so sweet.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Mommy Milestone - showering
So I think there are mother's milestones just as there are milestones for a baby. Some they share like birth (obviously), first feeding, first bath, first time away, etc. but there are some that are uniquely for moms. Some are easy and some are scary. Today I met one of my milestones, one of the scary ones - I showered while it was just the baby and I in the house alone.
For some reason the idea of showering while the baby sleeps is terrifying to me. My overactive imagination runs rampant. The baby will spit up and choke in her sleep and I won't know until after I get out of the shower. The baby will miraculously roll over for the first time, in her sleep, and suffocate on the mattress. The combination of the fact that I'm partially deaf, the white noise generator and the shower will drown out noises - such as a kidnapper (or some over-eager Brownies) sneaking into the house and taking the baby from the stupid Dakini while she showers, or she'll start crying and the 10 minutes of crying alone will forever scar her and prevent her from trusting people therefore preventing her from creating lasting relationships so she'll never fall in love and will become the crazy cat lady.
So they are not really rational fears but they are all thoughts that go through my mind when I think about leaving her alone.
Well today it was a must do. I'm going out tonight to celebrate a friend's birthday and Ken won't be home with enough time for me to shower. And I REALLY needed a shower. So I gave E a bath first. (Mommy's smelly, baby needs a bath) Then got her to sleep and made sure she was sleeping soundly. I laid her on her changing pad in the living room (where she usually takes her naps) and ran for the shower. I momentarily stopped in the doorway to my bedroom and contemplated getting the baby monitor from by her crib but didn't because 1) the time it would take to set up was valuable shower time and 2) I wouldn't be able to hear the monitor over the shower anyway.
While showering I was convinced I could hear her crying despite that I can't even hear Ken talking in the same room when I'm showering. So I took the world's quickest shower in which all surfaces are cleaned and a lightining fast shave since we are going out in public tonight. When I turned the shower off I couldn't hear anything. You would think this would convince me that she was ok, but no, my overactive imagination cooked up all sorts of scenarios where she was silent because of horrible situations. So I dashed back out of the shower, and went to the living room while still in my towel to check on her. What did I find? An empty bed? a mother's worst nightmare?.....
Nope, just a sleeping baby.
So one mommy milestone down. Hopefully this experience will make it easier to take showers while she sleeps on a more regular basis without the terrible scenarios playing out in my mind.
I hope her milestones pass just as successfully, but hopefully are not as scary as mine.
 |
| "we stole the baby!" |
So they are not really rational fears but they are all thoughts that go through my mind when I think about leaving her alone.
Well today it was a must do. I'm going out tonight to celebrate a friend's birthday and Ken won't be home with enough time for me to shower. And I REALLY needed a shower. So I gave E a bath first. (Mommy's smelly, baby needs a bath) Then got her to sleep and made sure she was sleeping soundly. I laid her on her changing pad in the living room (where she usually takes her naps) and ran for the shower. I momentarily stopped in the doorway to my bedroom and contemplated getting the baby monitor from by her crib but didn't because 1) the time it would take to set up was valuable shower time and 2) I wouldn't be able to hear the monitor over the shower anyway.
While showering I was convinced I could hear her crying despite that I can't even hear Ken talking in the same room when I'm showering. So I took the world's quickest shower in which all surfaces are cleaned and a lightining fast shave since we are going out in public tonight. When I turned the shower off I couldn't hear anything. You would think this would convince me that she was ok, but no, my overactive imagination cooked up all sorts of scenarios where she was silent because of horrible situations. So I dashed back out of the shower, and went to the living room while still in my towel to check on her. What did I find? An empty bed? a mother's worst nightmare?.....
 |
| She's asleep of course! |
So one mommy milestone down. Hopefully this experience will make it easier to take showers while she sleeps on a more regular basis without the terrible scenarios playing out in my mind.
I hope her milestones pass just as successfully, but hopefully are not as scary as mine.
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