Today was just another day...
Another day of waking up early after not enough sleep, making food, changing diapers, shuffling kids around, playing Dinotrux, brushing three-year-old teeth, trips to the library, a little too much screen time. There was nothing outstandingly awesome, but I want to remember. It was outstandingly awesome and it's just another day-ness.
It was a little bit extra awesome because we had the day off from school. And thankfully we are far enough north that the flooding wasn't too bad in our area. The water came up about 2 feet onto our front lawn and flooded the floor mats of our car parked on the street. But today was beautiful. I am so thankful for where we live, that were not dealing with the crazy flooding or scary things that happen in other parts of the town. And I am so grateful for the extra day I got to spend with my kids even though it wasn't anything spectacular.
I want to remember the ordinary things today: playing with Tank's hair and stayling up into a kind of Mohawk. Snuggling with E and reading lots and lots of stories. How she came back repeatedly during storytime at the library to give Tank hugs and snuggles just because she loved him. How she danced and try to tickle the librarian during the sing-along part of story time. How she was so careful of the other little kids at story time because she's one of the big kids there now. How in the middle of one of the sing-along songs she gave the little girl next to her a big giant hug. The way she says hello to everyone because she's friendly, ans she always wants to know their names. The way she yells at motorcycle riders who don't wear their helmets that they're not making a good choice. The fact the Tank ate his entire bowl of baby oatmeal for the first time. the way Tank's hair smells after having washed out all that product since it needed to be shampooed three times. E holding my hand as I sang her special verse in the Puff the Magic Dragon song where she goes to visit Puff. E whispering to me I love you very very very very very very much and I love tank very much too and daddy. E asking about why the cars went under the water because she saw a video of it on a tablet; how she was concerned for the people in their cars in a naïve child-like way but didn't really understand the danger but understood that it was a scary thing. The way Tank talked and talked and talked and talked today both when we went out to lunch, and then tonight when he was trying to not go to sleep. The boy has a lot to say.
It was just an ordinary day. And I hope I never forget it.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Death and Pets
"Mommy, that's the kind of puppy I want, when daddy dies."
"Ms. Elaina got trapped in the slime and no one can rescue her so she died"
"Mommy, when you're dead, you don't eat ice cream anymore"
"I'm sending the bubbles up to V. like the balloons."
These kinds of comments are pretty much a daily occurrence. My 3 year old has learned about death. This is entirely my fault and for tragic reasons. I've been wanting to write about this for a while, but haven't been able to.
Back in December a former student of mine, a wonderful, bright, funny, talented, 10th grader and her amazing sister were in a car accident and for V (the 10th grader) it was a fatal one. I was the first of her teachers to find out and it happened during Winter Break. So the responsibility of telling everyone, making contact with the family and such fell to me for the first while.
It was heartbreaking and terrifying and I'm still not able to verbalize what it means to me to lose a student in such a way. But the event also had an effect on E.
I had to go to the funeral. I wanted to go to support her family, since I was one of the first school people to respond to the accident and show up at the hospital. Plus I really love both girls, like I love all my students and I wanted to be there for the surviving sister. But, the funeral was the same day as a Texans playoff game that Ken had tickets to. Maybe I should have gotten a baby sitter. Maybe I should have just stayed home, but in the end I took both kids with me to the funeral. Thinking I would be able to distract E with the tablet. I told her the very basics. V had died. We were going to a church to remember her and be there to support her family. E didn't ask many questions.
But E is incredibly empathetic and aware. Once emotions started, the tablet lost all interest. She wanted to know what was going on, why people were crying, how V died. She was very very very well behaved and whispered all her questions and accepted simple answers and several "I'll explain later"s. She was even very well behaved when we went to the burial site. She participated in the balloon release (because 3 year olds can't be around balloons without getting one) and was fascinated by the heavy machinery that was there.
And once we left, the questions started to flow. Now I'm agnostic and Ken is Christian so I tried to answer her questions with information from both sides. Though most of her questions were not so much about what happens after you die. (Mommy's answer: some people believe that the energy that makes you up goes to Heaven and lives there. Other people believe that your energy is sent back out all around the world and becomes part of the world again. But your body doesn't work anymore. You don't move or talk. And you never come back)
Now, death is just a part of her play. I don't know how firm her grasp is on it, but she brings it up in play, which tells me she is processing it. It seems like such a heavy subject for such a little girl. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom for having exposed her to it so early.
But really most of the time she links death and pets. I think she's processing both things which leads to darkly comical statements like those above. But she really wants a pet and know's it most likely won't happen while Daddy is around. So she's experimenting with ways to get pets
So far she's come up with Daddy dying and her going off to college.
"mommy, when I'm bigger and go to college, I want to get a real pet. a kitty and a puppy. and I will live in my own house"
"daddy, when I'm 28 I will go to college and have my own house with a kitty and a puppy, and I will be able to drive"
Really though, my 3 year old is planning out her college life for when she's 28. How did she get so old thinking so quickly?
"Ms. Elaina got trapped in the slime and no one can rescue her so she died"
"Mommy, when you're dead, you don't eat ice cream anymore"
"I'm sending the bubbles up to V. like the balloons."
These kinds of comments are pretty much a daily occurrence. My 3 year old has learned about death. This is entirely my fault and for tragic reasons. I've been wanting to write about this for a while, but haven't been able to.
Back in December a former student of mine, a wonderful, bright, funny, talented, 10th grader and her amazing sister were in a car accident and for V (the 10th grader) it was a fatal one. I was the first of her teachers to find out and it happened during Winter Break. So the responsibility of telling everyone, making contact with the family and such fell to me for the first while.
It was heartbreaking and terrifying and I'm still not able to verbalize what it means to me to lose a student in such a way. But the event also had an effect on E.
I had to go to the funeral. I wanted to go to support her family, since I was one of the first school people to respond to the accident and show up at the hospital. Plus I really love both girls, like I love all my students and I wanted to be there for the surviving sister. But, the funeral was the same day as a Texans playoff game that Ken had tickets to. Maybe I should have gotten a baby sitter. Maybe I should have just stayed home, but in the end I took both kids with me to the funeral. Thinking I would be able to distract E with the tablet. I told her the very basics. V had died. We were going to a church to remember her and be there to support her family. E didn't ask many questions.
But E is incredibly empathetic and aware. Once emotions started, the tablet lost all interest. She wanted to know what was going on, why people were crying, how V died. She was very very very well behaved and whispered all her questions and accepted simple answers and several "I'll explain later"s. She was even very well behaved when we went to the burial site. She participated in the balloon release (because 3 year olds can't be around balloons without getting one) and was fascinated by the heavy machinery that was there.
And once we left, the questions started to flow. Now I'm agnostic and Ken is Christian so I tried to answer her questions with information from both sides. Though most of her questions were not so much about what happens after you die. (Mommy's answer: some people believe that the energy that makes you up goes to Heaven and lives there. Other people believe that your energy is sent back out all around the world and becomes part of the world again. But your body doesn't work anymore. You don't move or talk. And you never come back)
Now, death is just a part of her play. I don't know how firm her grasp is on it, but she brings it up in play, which tells me she is processing it. It seems like such a heavy subject for such a little girl. Sometimes I feel like a bad mom for having exposed her to it so early.
But really most of the time she links death and pets. I think she's processing both things which leads to darkly comical statements like those above. But she really wants a pet and know's it most likely won't happen while Daddy is around. So she's experimenting with ways to get pets
So far she's come up with Daddy dying and her going off to college.
"mommy, when I'm bigger and go to college, I want to get a real pet. a kitty and a puppy. and I will live in my own house"
"daddy, when I'm 28 I will go to college and have my own house with a kitty and a puppy, and I will be able to drive"
Really though, my 3 year old is planning out her college life for when she's 28. How did she get so old thinking so quickly?
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Tank at 4 months
 |
| mommy combed my wet hair... it got crazy again once it dried |
In the last two months this little guy has turned from a needy baby lumpkin into a little ball of personality.
Everyone still remarks on the hair...because how can you not, but the second thing everyone remarks on is how happy he is. He is just a happy guy 95% of the time. He only cries when he's hungry, lonely, or dirty.
His vital stats at 4 months are:
14 lbs 13 oz (32%ile)
24 inches on the nose (6.3%ile)
16.9 inches (80.5%ile)
He seems so big to me, especially when he's next to E, but he's actually turning out to be a little guy. Pretty short, pretty light and he's got a pretty big head.
He's gained fantastic control of his head. He can track things across the room and all around the room. He's also getting great control of his hands. He can grasp objects and twist his twisty rattle. He likes to hold onto his wubbanub while he's falling asleep and he can maneuver it around to suit his needs.
He rolled over from tummy to back several times early on, but seems to forget how to occasionally now. He's getting pretty close to rolling onto his tummy from his back, he's gotten up on his side a few times.
He loves to bit and chew and is a drool monster. He started really drooling around 3 months, It got so bad I had to start sending drool bibs to school because they were having to change his clothes just because he was soaking them in drool. He loves the bite and chew on things, especially mommy and daddy's fingers. And he's not sucking on them, he is genuinely biting down.
He also had his first nasty cold/upper respiratory infection. Viral. He was so miserable and snotty. He had to get a chest x-ray, which is a horrible experience. He also had his first ear infection and first round of anti-biotics.
He still loves to watch his sister. She can elicit laughs out of her like no one else. He seems to really like the other babies at daycare too. I was there at drop off and put him near L (a 7 month old little girl) and he just laughed and smiled and she was happy to see him too. It was very cute.
He sleeps in his bassinet to start out the night, and usually gets up 2 times a night. Sometimes he wants to sleep with mommy after getting up to eat, and sometimes mommy kind of falls asleep while nursing him so he spends some time bed-sharing, though I really try to move him back to the bassinet as often as possible.
We were out on a family date for ice cream the other night and there was a table full of high school boys next to us and I kept juxtaposing my little boy with them and it's so hard to believe he will be one in the future. I hope he's still just a happy, sweet guy then too.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Tank at 2 months
Tank at 2 months:13 lbs 2 oz (71%)
22.88 inches long (44%)
16 inch circumference head (89%)
So, he's big, short and has a big head, though not as overly large as his sister's.
he likes:
cuddling
"talking" to his family
"playing" with his Yeti
Watching his big sister do anything, but especially watching her dance
being outside
being in his carrier
Playing in his ball pit
He does not like:
wet/dirty diapers
being in a room alone
being down in his bouncy seat when everyone else is up at the table.
His carseat
He can:
hold his head up
smile
coo
hold his binky in his mouth with the back of his hand
sit up in his bumbo seat for a few minutes at a time
grasp objects, mostly on accident, but kind of on purpose
track objects across the room
he does this little happy jig when he sees someone and knows he's going to be picked up. It's kind of a combination of crazy arm and leg flail and whole body wiggle.
He burps and farts like a frat boy. Though you really have to work for the burps.
He spits up a lot, and by a lot I mean both frequently and copiously.
His hair is indescribable. Pictures don't do it justice. It's slightly curly. It's super soft. It has light tips like we gave him highlights. He has a cowlick right in the center of his forehead that gives him this perfect little superman curl.
Daycare Day 1 Done
Today was Tank's first day of daycare. E's first day ended in tears. I'm happy to say that Tank's was not so dramatic. Granted he was a 2 minute walk away from me, where E was a 30 minute drive and the longest I was away from him was just over 2 hours. But it went well.
I dropped E off at 1030. She ran in and her teachers said "Oh, E welcome back, we missed you!" one of her little friends piped up "I missed you too!" and she tossed her backpack in the middle of the floor and was happily playing.
I didn't drop Tank off until 12, because I wanted to show him of a bit. I fed him at 1130 and then got ready to hand him over. He promptly spit up all over me, smiled, and went happily to his teacher. I'd planned on just going over to the daycare whenever he needed feeding so I told the teachers to text me if he seemed hungry, otherwise I'd come over in 3 hours.
An hour later I got a text saying he was hungry. Now he'd eaten only an hour before. At home the lad goes 3-4 hours between feedings so I knew there was NO WAY he was hungry. So....I ignored it. An hour later I got another text saying he was hungry. This time I went over, knowing there was still no way he was hungry but wanting to check on him and there was a break in the schedule anyway.
He was happily sitting in a bouncy chair, not crying, not frantically sucking at his hands, just chilling. I decided to try to feed him anyway. He ate for about 3 minutes and then popped off and looked up at me and smiled. And stuck his tongue out at me and gave me the biggest grin possible.
The little stinker was not hungry at all, he just wanted mama. Not that I really minded. I remember wishing E would show that she was happy to see me.
I got another text saying he was hungry right at the end of the day. By the time I got to the daycare, he was zonked out asleep...obviously not hungry.
Despite the frequent texts, the day went great. E was happy to be back. Tank did great. My schedule is going to be pretty slammed so I will probably not be able to go feed him. This makes me a little sad, but it won't be a big deal to pump at night and send him with a bottle. It will be a bit of an adjustment, but all things are.
I dropped E off at 1030. She ran in and her teachers said "Oh, E welcome back, we missed you!" one of her little friends piped up "I missed you too!" and she tossed her backpack in the middle of the floor and was happily playing.
I didn't drop Tank off until 12, because I wanted to show him of a bit. I fed him at 1130 and then got ready to hand him over. He promptly spit up all over me, smiled, and went happily to his teacher. I'd planned on just going over to the daycare whenever he needed feeding so I told the teachers to text me if he seemed hungry, otherwise I'd come over in 3 hours.
An hour later I got a text saying he was hungry. Now he'd eaten only an hour before. At home the lad goes 3-4 hours between feedings so I knew there was NO WAY he was hungry. So....I ignored it. An hour later I got another text saying he was hungry. This time I went over, knowing there was still no way he was hungry but wanting to check on him and there was a break in the schedule anyway.
He was happily sitting in a bouncy chair, not crying, not frantically sucking at his hands, just chilling. I decided to try to feed him anyway. He ate for about 3 minutes and then popped off and looked up at me and smiled. And stuck his tongue out at me and gave me the biggest grin possible.
The little stinker was not hungry at all, he just wanted mama. Not that I really minded. I remember wishing E would show that she was happy to see me.
I got another text saying he was hungry right at the end of the day. By the time I got to the daycare, he was zonked out asleep...obviously not hungry.
Despite the frequent texts, the day went great. E was happy to be back. Tank did great. My schedule is going to be pretty slammed so I will probably not be able to go feed him. This makes me a little sad, but it won't be a big deal to pump at night and send him with a bottle. It will be a bit of an adjustment, but all things are.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
E's wisdom on burping and cats
Ken: Give that lad to the burp-master!
*takes the baby to burp him*
E: Daddy, you are the burp-master
Ken: yes!
E:...and Tank is the spit-up master!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
E: Daddy can we have a cat? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Ken: no, cats make me sick.
Later, playing with her lego family.
E: oh, we need the cat. but the cat will make the daddy sick. That's okay, we don't need a daddy.
*picks up the daddy figurine and tosses him across the room*
*takes the baby to burp him*
E: Daddy, you are the burp-master
Ken: yes!
E:...and Tank is the spit-up master!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
E: Daddy can we have a cat? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Ken: no, cats make me sick.
Later, playing with her lego family.
E: oh, we need the cat. but the cat will make the daddy sick. That's okay, we don't need a daddy.
*picks up the daddy figurine and tosses him across the room*
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Welcome M3 - aka Tank
E was born at 39 weeks 2 days. I went into labor on my own.
Her little brother decided he was nice and comfy just where he was. At 37 weeks I was 3 cm dilated. "it could be tonight, it could be weeks" the doctor said and then she offered to strip my membranes to try to induce labor. Nothing happened.
At 39 weeks I had a cold, the whole family did, there was a horrible storm inbound and Oma was still 3 days out of being there to take care of E. It would have been a horrible weekend and I was already 4-4.5 cm dilated. The doctor mentioned she really didn't want me going past 40 weeks because the baby was already seeming large. She mentioned that maybe we should do an induction if nothing happened. Of course we figured Tank would try to be dramatic and make his appearance then, probably at the height of the flooding and rain, just to keep this interesting on the 45 minute drive to the hospital.
I started freaking out. What if it was flooded? Where would E go? Who would take her? Would we have to take her to the hospital with us? Would Ken have to miss the birth? I think at one point we had 5 friends on standby to come up/ take E. Shelby drove up Saturday when the rains started to get really bad, just in case, so that E would have someone at home if Mommy and Daddy needed to go. I had contractions for a few hours in the middle of the night, I lay awake on the couch trying to time them and not freak out.
But...nothing happened. The contractions fizzled out. The rain stopped. The flooding abated. Oma arrived safely. No baby.
So at my "40" (39 weeks 5 days) week appointment I mentioned induction. The doc said they'd call me with a time once they'd contacted the hospital. Less than an hour later we had an eviction time and date. 5 am the next day!
They made me come in and pick up some instructions and after reading them I started to freak out. The instructions made it sound like I was going in for surgery. No food or drink after midnight. Not even water. I had to take two special showers with a pre-surgical prep soap "paying special attention to the lower abdomen and crotch". Did they think I was going to have a C-section? Why were they having me do pre-surgery prep?
After not much sleep I called in to the hospital at 330 am to see if they still had space for me to come in. Got the green light. So into the shower for the second special shower and off to the hospital we went.
This time was so different...no triage room, no checks, no monitoring. Just straight into a birthing suite. IV in, medical questions asked, and at 6 am they started my pitocin drip.
Started getting some contractions, tried to rest and watched a lot of NCIS. Around 830 the doctor arrived and checked me. She guessed he was going to weigh around 8 lbs. Progressing along, but he was still super high up, he didn't want to leave. She broke my water and let me get out of bed. I opted for the birthing ball and that felt much, much better than the bed. Watched some more NCIS, chatted with Ken. Labored along. The contractions started getting much stronger, though they didn't register as so on the monitor. I was waiting for the kick you in the crotch kind of sensation I'd gotten with E when active labor really started, because I knew I wanted my epidural at that point.
Around 1030 I still hadn't had the sensation, the monitor was still reading very small contractions, but I was feeling them so much more than the monitor showed. So, I asked for the epidural. They ran a bag of fluid into me (SOP), it took about half an hour. Then they kicked Ken out of the room (SOP) and the anesthesiologist came in. I had two nurses with me, one was shadowing my actual nurse and she was a midwife. It was nice having the extra support there, especially since Ken could not be in the room for the epidural. They numbed up my spine and then tried to insert the epidural needle. I felt the needle going in and down my spine like hot acid shooting up and down my right side. I cried out and told them I could feel it. They backed the needle back out and tried numbing my spine some more. They tried again. Hot acid down my right side and a contraction at the same time. I started sobbing. They tried a third time, waiting a little longer for the numbing medicine to work and success. So much relief.
It was a different epidural experience for me than with E. I could still easily move both of my legs, and I could still feel the contractions, but only in my butt. It was a really odd sensation. Everywhere else was numb. It was really distracting and made me totally fearful of pooping during delivery.
They checked me 6.5 cm dilated but he was still too high up. So they brought in the peanut ball. It's like an exercise ball but it's shaped like a peanut. Since I was stuck in bed I had to lay with it instead of sit on it. To help take my mind off things Ken and I played some Star Realms. We played two games (I won the first, he won the second) and then they came to check me again. In the 40 minutes we'd been playing I went from a 6.5 to a 9.5 and he'd come down into place. It was go time!
I pushed for about half an hour. I could still feel the contractions and had a good sense of when I needed to push. I'd debated trying for a med-free birth, because I wanted to experience it, and I kind of got my wish. While I couldn't feel any pain in my back or stomach, I could still feel everything else. I could feel him emerge (and they aren't joking when they call it the "ring of fire"). He had the cord around his neck when he came out, they had to cut it immediately and then he was up, out and on my chest.
He was so big and he was so purple. So purple. And not really breathing. And my heart sank into my stomach. They whisked him away to the warmer and kept saying "he's okay, he's just in shock, like when you jump into cold water. He'll breath in a second. We're going to make him mad." They were rubbing him vigorously on the warmer. All I could see was how purple he was.
And then he cried and the world was okay again.
They gave him to me and delayed all the newborn measurements so that he and I could snuggle and bond.
Eventually they did weigh and measure him. They heard us call him "Tank" and said it was an appropriate nick name for him because he was so big.
at 1:35 pm on 10/28/15 Tank was born weighing in at 9lbs 0.4 oz and 20.5 inches long.
Her little brother decided he was nice and comfy just where he was. At 37 weeks I was 3 cm dilated. "it could be tonight, it could be weeks" the doctor said and then she offered to strip my membranes to try to induce labor. Nothing happened.
At 39 weeks I had a cold, the whole family did, there was a horrible storm inbound and Oma was still 3 days out of being there to take care of E. It would have been a horrible weekend and I was already 4-4.5 cm dilated. The doctor mentioned she really didn't want me going past 40 weeks because the baby was already seeming large. She mentioned that maybe we should do an induction if nothing happened. Of course we figured Tank would try to be dramatic and make his appearance then, probably at the height of the flooding and rain, just to keep this interesting on the 45 minute drive to the hospital.
I started freaking out. What if it was flooded? Where would E go? Who would take her? Would we have to take her to the hospital with us? Would Ken have to miss the birth? I think at one point we had 5 friends on standby to come up/ take E. Shelby drove up Saturday when the rains started to get really bad, just in case, so that E would have someone at home if Mommy and Daddy needed to go. I had contractions for a few hours in the middle of the night, I lay awake on the couch trying to time them and not freak out.
But...nothing happened. The contractions fizzled out. The rain stopped. The flooding abated. Oma arrived safely. No baby.
So at my "40" (39 weeks 5 days) week appointment I mentioned induction. The doc said they'd call me with a time once they'd contacted the hospital. Less than an hour later we had an eviction time and date. 5 am the next day!
They made me come in and pick up some instructions and after reading them I started to freak out. The instructions made it sound like I was going in for surgery. No food or drink after midnight. Not even water. I had to take two special showers with a pre-surgical prep soap "paying special attention to the lower abdomen and crotch". Did they think I was going to have a C-section? Why were they having me do pre-surgery prep?
After not much sleep I called in to the hospital at 330 am to see if they still had space for me to come in. Got the green light. So into the shower for the second special shower and off to the hospital we went.
This time was so different...no triage room, no checks, no monitoring. Just straight into a birthing suite. IV in, medical questions asked, and at 6 am they started my pitocin drip.
Started getting some contractions, tried to rest and watched a lot of NCIS. Around 830 the doctor arrived and checked me. She guessed he was going to weigh around 8 lbs. Progressing along, but he was still super high up, he didn't want to leave. She broke my water and let me get out of bed. I opted for the birthing ball and that felt much, much better than the bed. Watched some more NCIS, chatted with Ken. Labored along. The contractions started getting much stronger, though they didn't register as so on the monitor. I was waiting for the kick you in the crotch kind of sensation I'd gotten with E when active labor really started, because I knew I wanted my epidural at that point.
Around 1030 I still hadn't had the sensation, the monitor was still reading very small contractions, but I was feeling them so much more than the monitor showed. So, I asked for the epidural. They ran a bag of fluid into me (SOP), it took about half an hour. Then they kicked Ken out of the room (SOP) and the anesthesiologist came in. I had two nurses with me, one was shadowing my actual nurse and she was a midwife. It was nice having the extra support there, especially since Ken could not be in the room for the epidural. They numbed up my spine and then tried to insert the epidural needle. I felt the needle going in and down my spine like hot acid shooting up and down my right side. I cried out and told them I could feel it. They backed the needle back out and tried numbing my spine some more. They tried again. Hot acid down my right side and a contraction at the same time. I started sobbing. They tried a third time, waiting a little longer for the numbing medicine to work and success. So much relief.
It was a different epidural experience for me than with E. I could still easily move both of my legs, and I could still feel the contractions, but only in my butt. It was a really odd sensation. Everywhere else was numb. It was really distracting and made me totally fearful of pooping during delivery.
They checked me 6.5 cm dilated but he was still too high up. So they brought in the peanut ball. It's like an exercise ball but it's shaped like a peanut. Since I was stuck in bed I had to lay with it instead of sit on it. To help take my mind off things Ken and I played some Star Realms. We played two games (I won the first, he won the second) and then they came to check me again. In the 40 minutes we'd been playing I went from a 6.5 to a 9.5 and he'd come down into place. It was go time!
I pushed for about half an hour. I could still feel the contractions and had a good sense of when I needed to push. I'd debated trying for a med-free birth, because I wanted to experience it, and I kind of got my wish. While I couldn't feel any pain in my back or stomach, I could still feel everything else. I could feel him emerge (and they aren't joking when they call it the "ring of fire"). He had the cord around his neck when he came out, they had to cut it immediately and then he was up, out and on my chest.
He was so big and he was so purple. So purple. And not really breathing. And my heart sank into my stomach. They whisked him away to the warmer and kept saying "he's okay, he's just in shock, like when you jump into cold water. He'll breath in a second. We're going to make him mad." They were rubbing him vigorously on the warmer. All I could see was how purple he was.
And then he cried and the world was okay again.
They gave him to me and delayed all the newborn measurements so that he and I could snuggle and bond.
Eventually they did weigh and measure him. They heard us call him "Tank" and said it was an appropriate nick name for him because he was so big.
at 1:35 pm on 10/28/15 Tank was born weighing in at 9lbs 0.4 oz and 20.5 inches long.
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