Mommy: Hi Baby girl!
E: *darth vaderesque death rattle rasp* (on the inhale)
Mommy: oh really?
E:*high pitched squeal*
Mommy: oh and then what?
E: *mouthing but only making whispery noises*
Mommy: why are we whispering?
E: Ah da da da..goo ba da ba ba
Mommy: oh and then what happened?
E: *baby bear growl*
Mommy: oh my....
Monday, July 29, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Mommy Milestones: The hardest easy decision
On July 4th I noticed something wrong with my vision. I had a spot in my vision that looked like a fish eye lens or a drop of water. I didn't know that that spot would end up forcing me to make the hardest easy decision of my motherhood thus far.
My regular eye doctor diagnosed it as Central Serous Rentinopathy, a benign condition in which a hole forms in your retina and fluid leaks through under it, messing up your vision much in the way mine was. The original prognosis was that it would clear up on it's own within a few months. She wanted me to see a specialist just to be sure.
The specialist brought a totally different diagnosis. Wet Macular Degeneration. The leading cause of significant vision loss in older adults. Normally it's not seen in people under 50. They have to treat it aggressively with Anti-angiogenesis drugs. These drugs stop the formation of new blood vessels. Yeah, that kind of medication is not compatible with breastfeeding, because the last thing you want to put in your babies mouth is milk that will prevent their blood vessels from growing. But the alternative to not taking the medication was to let my vision continue to degrade and potentially lead to blindness.
So the decision was easy. I had to choose my vision. Wet macular degeneration can lead to significant loss of quality of life. So vision won over being able to breastfeed. It was an easy decision and it is the hardest thing I've had to do as a mother so far.
Without knowing it I breastfed my baby for the last time on the day she turned 7 months old. My original goal was to feed her until we were both ready to wean, but that plan has now changed. This is the most selfish and hardest decision I've made since becoming a mother. I wish I had known, I would have savored the closeness, the content sigh she lets out, the bonding and cuddling that comes along with it. I miss it already, it's only been 2 days and it is hard.
It's hard on me and my body. Cold turkey is not a smart way to stop breastfeeding. It can lead to a lot of health complications and it's just plain not comfortable. So I am taking measures to wean gradually even without her being able to nurse. It kills me, absolutely kills me to have to throw milk down the sink because I know that milk has so much good stuff in it that my baby needs to grow strong. But it also contains something that could potentially kill her. But it makes me sad every time I have to do it.
It's hard on E. Since she was 30 minutes old nursing has been her comfort. When she's scared, hurt, tired, or sick she wants that comfort. She has cried a lot more at night the last two nights. It breaks my heart to not be able to give her the comfort she is seeking. We are finding other ways to comfort. Lots of rocking and lots of singing. Snuggling without letting her access nursing seems to be okay, though she gets fed up and throws her arms back and cries. It kills me. It frustrates her.
She had her first bottle of formula today. I have a pretty decent supply of pumped milk frozen so she's getting that for most of her bottles for now. But I know it will run out. I'm debating if it is better to just give it to her for all her bottles until it's gone or if I should give her 1-2 bottles of pumped milk and 6-7 bottles of formula to prolong the time she gets the immune boost from breastmilk. Either way the milk will run out.
It's only milk. I'm lucky to have my healthy, happy little girl. I'm lucky the doctor was able to catch the problem fairly early, so hopefully my vision will be saved. I'm lucky to be able to afford formula to feed her in place of my milk. But it is still hard, it still makes me sad but there is no use crying over spilt milk, right?
My regular eye doctor diagnosed it as Central Serous Rentinopathy, a benign condition in which a hole forms in your retina and fluid leaks through under it, messing up your vision much in the way mine was. The original prognosis was that it would clear up on it's own within a few months. She wanted me to see a specialist just to be sure.
The specialist brought a totally different diagnosis. Wet Macular Degeneration. The leading cause of significant vision loss in older adults. Normally it's not seen in people under 50. They have to treat it aggressively with Anti-angiogenesis drugs. These drugs stop the formation of new blood vessels. Yeah, that kind of medication is not compatible with breastfeeding, because the last thing you want to put in your babies mouth is milk that will prevent their blood vessels from growing. But the alternative to not taking the medication was to let my vision continue to degrade and potentially lead to blindness.
So the decision was easy. I had to choose my vision. Wet macular degeneration can lead to significant loss of quality of life. So vision won over being able to breastfeed. It was an easy decision and it is the hardest thing I've had to do as a mother so far.
Without knowing it I breastfed my baby for the last time on the day she turned 7 months old. My original goal was to feed her until we were both ready to wean, but that plan has now changed. This is the most selfish and hardest decision I've made since becoming a mother. I wish I had known, I would have savored the closeness, the content sigh she lets out, the bonding and cuddling that comes along with it. I miss it already, it's only been 2 days and it is hard.
It's hard on me and my body. Cold turkey is not a smart way to stop breastfeeding. It can lead to a lot of health complications and it's just plain not comfortable. So I am taking measures to wean gradually even without her being able to nurse. It kills me, absolutely kills me to have to throw milk down the sink because I know that milk has so much good stuff in it that my baby needs to grow strong. But it also contains something that could potentially kill her. But it makes me sad every time I have to do it.
It's hard on E. Since she was 30 minutes old nursing has been her comfort. When she's scared, hurt, tired, or sick she wants that comfort. She has cried a lot more at night the last two nights. It breaks my heart to not be able to give her the comfort she is seeking. We are finding other ways to comfort. Lots of rocking and lots of singing. Snuggling without letting her access nursing seems to be okay, though she gets fed up and throws her arms back and cries. It kills me. It frustrates her.
She had her first bottle of formula today. I have a pretty decent supply of pumped milk frozen so she's getting that for most of her bottles for now. But I know it will run out. I'm debating if it is better to just give it to her for all her bottles until it's gone or if I should give her 1-2 bottles of pumped milk and 6-7 bottles of formula to prolong the time she gets the immune boost from breastmilk. Either way the milk will run out.
It's only milk. I'm lucky to have my healthy, happy little girl. I'm lucky the doctor was able to catch the problem fairly early, so hopefully my vision will be saved. I'm lucky to be able to afford formula to feed her in place of my milk. But it is still hard, it still makes me sad but there is no use crying over spilt milk, right?
7 months and growing strong
My sweet girl is now 7 months old! It's crazy to me all the skills she has gained in such a short time!
E has really started to develop a personality. Everywhere we take her people comment on 2 things: her cheeks and her calm/happy demeanor.
And it's true, she does have deliciously cute cheeks that require daily nibbling and kissing. And she has developed into a very happy calm little girl. She cries when she's hungry, tired, frustrated, wants mommy or needs a new diaper. But the rest of the time she is happy as a clam.
She quite often is quiet and plays with her toys. Sometimes while playing she will put a toy in her mouth and make noises, loud ones. It's funny to watch at home, less so in a restaurant, though usually people around us just smile.
In her 7th month of life E has learned a few new tricks. She's been working super hard on trying sit up independently. When placed in a sitting position she can stay there for as long as she likes. She's learned how far away she can reach for things without tipping over and she's learned how to catch herself and correct if she starts to tip over. AND just a few days before she turned 7 months old she sat fully up on her own! Most time she still gets stuck in a tripod with one arm down but she's sitting fully up more and more often!
7 months has also brought the new experience of trying solid food. Her favorite is still broccoli and she really seems to hate baby oatmeal, no matter what I mix in. Though she likes it baked into teething biscuits so maybe it's a texture thing.
She also had her first experience with a stomach bug. Two loads of laundry and a trip to the doctor (just to be sure) later and she was better within 12 hours of throwing up.
E's Ojisan came to visit for a week. E loved playing with him going to the park, going swimming and eating Dim Sum! She had the whole waitstaff and several of the other patrons at the Dim Sum restaurant entranced because she was so willing to try all the yummy Dim Sum. For the record, she seems to like Chinese Broccoli too and likes eating off of chopsticks, though mommy kept hitting the back end of the sticks on her car seat and dropping the food onto E.
July also brought E's first fireworks! The weather was the nicest it's been for 4th of July in years and Mommy and Daddy brought earplugs(which kept falling out, but we made them work) so the show was pretty enjoyable. E watched the explosions with nary a protest. Though keeping her up that late made the night shift pretty difficult. E seems to follow the rule of the more tired she is the less she will sleep.
Since Ojisan taught so many other people's babies to swim Mommy thought it would be fun for Ojisan to go to the pool with E for the first time. Ojisan told Mommy and Daddy to dunk her under the water, she'd hold her breath and it would be good because it will help her not be afraid of the water later. The idea of submerging a nearly 7 month old baby in the water was terrifying to Mommy and Daddy, but with a little gentle encouragement from Ojisan Daddy took the plunge, literally! E did great she was a bit startled but held her breath and didn't cry when brought back up. Now every time we go to the pool E gets dunked at least a couple times and still doesn't mind. She really does like drinking the pool water though....Ojisan didn't have any suggestions on how to prevent that, so Mommy and Daddy just try to minimize it and embrace the fact that the chlorine will hopefully kill off any germs and that urine is technically sterile (gross!)
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| growin strong! |
E has really started to develop a personality. Everywhere we take her people comment on 2 things: her cheeks and her calm/happy demeanor.
And it's true, she does have deliciously cute cheeks that require daily nibbling and kissing. And she has developed into a very happy calm little girl. She cries when she's hungry, tired, frustrated, wants mommy or needs a new diaper. But the rest of the time she is happy as a clam.
She quite often is quiet and plays with her toys. Sometimes while playing she will put a toy in her mouth and make noises, loud ones. It's funny to watch at home, less so in a restaurant, though usually people around us just smile.
She also had her first experience with a stomach bug. Two loads of laundry and a trip to the doctor (just to be sure) later and she was better within 12 hours of throwing up.
E's Ojisan came to visit for a week. E loved playing with him going to the park, going swimming and eating Dim Sum! She had the whole waitstaff and several of the other patrons at the Dim Sum restaurant entranced because she was so willing to try all the yummy Dim Sum. For the record, she seems to like Chinese Broccoli too and likes eating off of chopsticks, though mommy kept hitting the back end of the sticks on her car seat and dropping the food onto E.
July also brought E's first fireworks! The weather was the nicest it's been for 4th of July in years and Mommy and Daddy brought earplugs(which kept falling out, but we made them work) so the show was pretty enjoyable. E watched the explosions with nary a protest. Though keeping her up that late made the night shift pretty difficult. E seems to follow the rule of the more tired she is the less she will sleep.
Since Ojisan taught so many other people's babies to swim Mommy thought it would be fun for Ojisan to go to the pool with E for the first time. Ojisan told Mommy and Daddy to dunk her under the water, she'd hold her breath and it would be good because it will help her not be afraid of the water later. The idea of submerging a nearly 7 month old baby in the water was terrifying to Mommy and Daddy, but with a little gentle encouragement from Ojisan Daddy took the plunge, literally! E did great she was a bit startled but held her breath and didn't cry when brought back up. Now every time we go to the pool E gets dunked at least a couple times and still doesn't mind. She really does like drinking the pool water though....Ojisan didn't have any suggestions on how to prevent that, so Mommy and Daddy just try to minimize it and embrace the fact that the chlorine will hopefully kill off any germs and that urine is technically sterile (gross!)
The night before turning 7 months old E also accomplished another major milestone, she crawled! She'd been super close to crawling, and had taken a few crawls forward at a Little Gym class to try to get a rattle but at home kept getting stuck. She'd get into position, rock a little, rise up on her toes, fall back down, move her left hand, then both legs and then she'd fall down. She couldn't figure out that she needed to move that right hand, it would just stay planted on the floor the whole time. While talking on Skype with her grandparents and Oma E was hell bent on getting the computer or the phone so that was enough motivation for her to move that right hand! She crawled across the living room floor after it, taking breaks to protest of course!
She also has two teeth! Her right lower incisor is mostly in and her left lower incisor is just poking through. Her doctor also said her upper two were almost in!
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| This month's family portrait! pool time, with floating monkey and a duck on E's head! |
She also has two teeth! Her right lower incisor is mostly in and her left lower incisor is just poking through. Her doctor also said her upper two were almost in!
Friday, July 5, 2013
Adventures in Solid Food
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| first up - Avocado - verdict: yum! |
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| 2nd up - Sweet potato - verdict: eh |
We'd given E small snippets of food before her 6 month birthday, but never actually sat her down in her high chair and fed her.
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| 3rd up oatmeal - verdict: yuck! |
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| 4th - green beans - verdict: yuck! |
She's loving trying food. She'll open her mouth like a baby bird when the adults are eating. And
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| 5th sweet potato again - verdict: yum! |
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| 6th - broccoli verdict: OMNOMNOMNOM |
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| most recent: Lychee - verdict: OMNOMNOMNOM! |
So far E has tried:
Blueberries
Avocado
Sweet potato
Black beans
Broccoli
Cherries
Watermelon
Lychee
Green Beans
Apple sauce
Oatmeal
Eggs
carrots
a tiny piece of short rib
Edit: E went to her first dim sum today. Not only did she charm all of the wait staff, but she also tried a ton of food. I know you are supposed to wait a few days between foods to check for allergies but baby eating dim sum was just too cute! Now she has eaten: rice noodle, bao, taro, mung bean, congee\gook(rice gruel), and eggplant!
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
6 months - better late than never!
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| growin, growin, growin |
I can't believe 6 months have gone by already! My sweet baby is 6 months old! Time has flown by so fast and yet it also feels like she's been a part of our lives forever.Between teaching regular school, teaching summer school and going full speed mommy I let time slip by so this update is a bit late. There has bee a lot of things that happened in the last week that I have to save for next month!
E got her 6 month shots and check up and passed with flying colors. Her head is still in the 95% at 17.75in she's still short in the 23% at 25.25 inches and she's average weight 60% at 16lbs 15.5 oz.
E has continued to grow and develop and amaze Ken and I.
She is on the verge of crawling. She can get up on her hands and into a plank position but hasn't figured out how to bend her knees down yet.
She can pass objects from one hand to another and does so quite frequently. Especially her binky.
She can easily manipulate objects, usually to get them into her mouth.
She can show affection. (see last post)
She can stand when leaning against a stationary object
She make what I think is the sign for 'milk' while nursing, she will repeatedly open and close her hand. She doesn't do it when she wants to nurse yet so we aren't calling it a first word yet.
She is teething like crazy, she has a very obvious swelling in her gums and has been spitting up the slightly curdled spit up that comes along with teething.
She LOVES the water. In her bath and in water play at day care she just loves to splash. When she's melting down and nothing makes her happy Ken and my last resort is 'if nothing else works, throw the baby in the bath' because she's happy there.
She loves her exersaucer/play gym. She can spin herself around in it and manipulate nearly all of the toys, she still can't reach the koala and butterfly. She really seems to enjoy bashing the dragonfly against the chameleon.
She is a total social butterfly. she loves new people and gives them big grins, even lets them hold her. She flirts with people when we are out in public. She has discovered her toes, and is still flexible enough to eat them.
She went to her first nerd-fest (comicpalooza) and got her first autograph (from the author who wrote the novels she is named after)
We celebrated 6 months a few days late by letting her try solid food for the first time and the results where glorious....but that's another post.
keep growin baby girl. Can't wait to see what you bring next!
Monday, June 10, 2013
Ways we show love
E has gotten a lot more emotive lately. She has a few ways that she shows that she likes something.
The first is the pat.
When she is content and there is an object or person who is making her happy she pats it. pat, pat, pat. As if she were saying "hi, I like you, you make me happy" pat, pat pat.
She quite frequently gives the pat, pat, pat to things like her bottle, or mommy when she's eating. sometimes it's a particular toy. She even gave the pat, pat, pat to another baby this past weekend when we went blueberry picking. pat, pat, pat. "you are my friend. I like your little feet" (E was fascinated by the other baby's feet....possibly because that was all we would let her reach)
She tried a blueberry, sadly it did not get the pat, pat, pat. Though she did enjoy ripping the leaves off the plants and trying to eat them. One of our family friends had their kids with us and the 5 year old was picking with me and she piped up at some point and said "hey, E has something in her mouth!" I turned around to find a quarter sized blueberry leaf tucked into her cheek. She repeatedly tried to resume eating the blueberry bushes during the day.
The next is the penguin flap
When E is excited she flaps her arms up and down like a penguin and sometimes slaps her belly audibly. It is as if she is saying "oh my goodness, I love you so much I just can't contain it!" Mommy and Daddy pretty much always get the flap when we enter a room if we've been gone for more than a few minutes. She also flaps for her musical monkey and for her daycare friend V.
And of course there is the pinch
When E really, really, really likes something she grabs on and pinches down hard as if she is saying "I love you so much, I don't ever want to let you go!" the most notable thing she does this to is faces. Mommy, Daddy and Miss Zena (her AM daycare teacher) all get the pinchy treatment. And little girl is STRONG, her pinches HURT. But at the same time, I love them because she only does it to things that she really loves.
Mommy and daddy continue to show her love by spoiling her rotten and taking good care of her. lately she becomes a fussing mess in the evenings. We think it's because she is teething. She starts is a cry that we haven't heard before and just becomes inconsolable. We run through the check list: snuggles, give her a binky, change the diaper, try to feed, try to burp, give gas medicine, give an iced teething ring and sometimes she still fusses.
When push comes to shove we throw her in the bath because that's one thing that gets the pat, the flap and the pinch is her bathtub. She LOVES taking baths.
And of course we still do the "crazy parent check". Lately E has taken to turning over onto her stomach to sleep. This drives mommy nuts because of SIDS risk being so much higher when they are on their tummies. So mommy shows her love of E by very gently turning her back onto her back. Hopefully there will come a day when all mommy will need to do to re-assure herself E is okay is give a gentle pat, pat, pat.
The first is the pat.
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| she tried to pat the bubbles... |
She quite frequently gives the pat, pat, pat to things like her bottle, or mommy when she's eating. sometimes it's a particular toy. She even gave the pat, pat, pat to another baby this past weekend when we went blueberry picking. pat, pat, pat. "you are my friend. I like your little feet" (E was fascinated by the other baby's feet....possibly because that was all we would let her reach)
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| pat, pat, pat "hello friend" |
The next is the penguin flap
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| flap! |
And of course there is the pinch
When E really, really, really likes something she grabs on and pinches down hard as if she is saying "I love you so much, I don't ever want to let you go!" the most notable thing she does this to is faces. Mommy, Daddy and Miss Zena (her AM daycare teacher) all get the pinchy treatment. And little girl is STRONG, her pinches HURT. But at the same time, I love them because she only does it to things that she really loves.
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| Bath time = happy girl |
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| mommy loves you, so she'll flip you over |
And of course we still do the "crazy parent check". Lately E has taken to turning over onto her stomach to sleep. This drives mommy nuts because of SIDS risk being so much higher when they are on their tummies. So mommy shows her love of E by very gently turning her back onto her back. Hopefully there will come a day when all mommy will need to do to re-assure herself E is okay is give a gentle pat, pat, pat.
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| E and her newest book and toy! So loved! So Spoiled! |
Saturday, June 1, 2013
don't read if you have a weak stomach...
So i was just having a lovely quiet moment with E. I had come into the room and she was lying very still. It scared me a little. I picked her up and snuggled her. She smiled. I hummed a made up melody and rocked her. I whispered how much I love her. I held her up in front of me to see my face. I started to say "yeah, I love you so much" ... and then she spit up, straight into my open mouth and down inside my shirt. Sweet moment down the drain.
So proud of myself for not 1) puking on the spot or 2) dropping the baby.
Though it does make a great story to tell my students when they are exclaiming about how cute E is and how they just love babies.
So proud of myself for not 1) puking on the spot or 2) dropping the baby.
Though it does make a great story to tell my students when they are exclaiming about how cute E is and how they just love babies.
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