Cup training

Transparency in that raising my little ELM isn't always rainbows and lollipops...

...or the first time strong willed child meets short tempered mommy.

I don't know what it is about this that is making me so short tempered.  Normally I have a slow burning fuse and it takes a lot to get me riled up.  I teach middle school children for heaven's sake! But something about the way she screams, pours out her milk, spits out her milk and refuses the cup just sets my temper off like TNT.

According to one of the 80 billion websites I've been reading about cup training and mommy anger/stress one of the reasons for the anger could be guilt.

am I guilty about taking away her bottle?  Yes, I think I am.  I feel like I am depriving her of nutrients she needs, before we started cup training she had bottles at 5am (6oz), 10am(6oz), 2pm (8oz), 5pm(8oz) and 8pm(10oz)  which I know is a lot of milk, but that's on top of eating everything in site.  So yes, I am guilty.  I worry that I am starving my child, that she won't get the calcium and protein she needs.  currently we are giving her the cup for her 10 am and 2pm bottles, and it usually results in a scream fest that lasts until lunch for the 10am bottle and until nap time for the 2.

I am so thankful that she'll be going to daycare for the 2pm bottle.  it's terrible, I feel guilty about that too.  I know her daycare teacher doesn't want to deal with Screamy-McScreamerson while shes trying to entertain/feed/watch/tend 3 other one year olds.  But it's such a relief to know that I'll only have to deal with it once a day.  It's kind of shameful but totally understandable.

To be clear, she has been drinking from a cup since she was about 6 months old, she has no problem whatsoever drinking water out of her cup.  I used to be so proud that my baby knew how to drink from a cup, I really should have started the transition from the bottle so much earlier.  I think this contributes to my anger as well.  She drinks water from a cup just fine, she drinks milk from a bottle just fine, but milk in a cup, even if I snuggle her like I do when she's drinking her bottle I just end up covered in milk and fuming mad.

another 80 billion websites, that I read about 30 times a day to soothe my guilt/anger/whatever says that kids don't NEED milk.  that as long as they are getting their calcium from things like yogurt and cheese and such; and they are drinking lots of water it's okay.  And she eats yogurt for breakfast and devours cheese sticks, broccoli, spinach etc.  She also takes a multivitamin like a champ.

and yet....I'm still guilty/angry/whatever every time she shakes her head violently when I offer her a cup, or takes a drink and then lets it all dribble out her mouth, or screams when I snuggle her with a cup instead of a bottle.

The other day I just gave up and let her wander around while her cup sat on the end table.  I went into the kitchen to get her bottles ready for daycare and heard her pick up the cup and take a drink, she walked into the kitchen with a milk mustache and I went nuts praising her, hoping she'd do it again.  She didn't but I considered it a victory.

The next day I decided to just let her try wandering and left the cup out for her.  It's a spoutless sippy cup that only lets milk out when you press the lid in.  it's supposed to work because the kid presses in with her lip when she puts the cup up to drink.  My little engineer has figured out how to invert the cup with one hand and pour out the milk with the other....and that's what she decided to do since I left her to her own devices with the cup.

angry mommy.  so much for the victory.

This is frustrating and heartbreaking.  Not because she won't drink from the cup...she'll outgrow it, or she'll get her nutrients from somewhere else....but because it's a big challenge to my mommy skills and I feel like I'm failing miserably.  I don't like being angry with her.  I don't like feeling out of control.

And then I remember my first year of teaching. Looking back I'm a bit ashamed of me as a first year.  I tried so hard, worked so much and loved those students so much and yet I yelled, I got mad, I lost my temper, I had a short fuse.  Teacher training likes to talk about building your "tool kit" of things to try.  Different strategies to get your students to do what you want them to do.  And as I taught more, I learned what "tools" worked and what didn't and I changed the contents of my "tool kit".  And I got better, and better and better.  And I loved my job so much more.

Being a mom is a lot like being a first time teacher.  You have to constantly learn and adjust.  You have to learn what works and what doesn't and you have to make changes.  I am  first year teacher of a one year old...I will be a first year teacher of a two year old sooner than I like to think about it, and a 5, 12, 16 year old (yikes!).  I'm a first year teacher of weaning, I'll be a first year teacher of potty training sooner than I like to think about it.  I have a lot of learning to do.  I haven't figured out what works yet, still working on it...but I know that getting angry doesn't work.  So I'm going to make an effort to remove that "tool" from my "tool kit" and to expand my "tool kit" just like I did as a teacher.  And while I may never love the tough times like weaning, potty training and teenager-dom, I hope all my "tools" will make it more bearable for both E and me.