One Year Ago Today....part 1

One year ago today I went to work at my school.
I was very tired, excited to be starting my maternity leave, disappointed you hadn't been born on the 12th, anxious about when you would be born, and nervous about leaving my students behind for a few months.

One year ago today in a town far away lots of other teachers went to school.  Lots of other kids too.

One year ago today I walked out of school early, missing out on professional development because I thought my water might be leaking, an exciting sign of your impending arrival.

One year ago today six teachers and 20 students never got to walk out of their school.

One year ago today I went to the hospital anxious and excited, figuring that they would send me back home.

One year ago today 28 people went to the hospital and never got to go home.

One year ago today I was informed that you were going to be born.

One year ago today 27 families and countless friends mourned the death of their loved ones.

In science there is something called the conservation of energy - it means that all the energy in a system is conserved, it changes from one form to another but it can't be created or destroyed, it can never get less and it can never get more.  It's a bit more complicated than that but for an almost 1 year old we'll stick to that.

The reason I mention it here is because one year ago today the energy of 28 people was released into the system.  Most definitely more than that but those 28 were very significant one year ago today.

I believe that you are part of the conservation of their energy.  Their energy cycles around, as do all peoples', and through those of us living their energy continues, never created or destroyed.

One year ago today I was preparing for the most joyous event of my life.

One year ago today there was so much sadness in the world.

One year ago today I remember thinking that I didn't want you to be born on the 14th, I didn't want your birthday to be linked to the sadness of the day.  You didn't listen to me when I asked you to be born on the 12th.  You didn't listen to me when I asked you to wait for Oma to get to Texas.  But in this ask, you listened.  You waited until the 15th to be born.

And so now, one year later, looking at the strong, curious, intelligent, wonderful, beautiful, amazing almost one year old that I have; and thinking of those 27 families who no longer have their loved one I ask you something else....

...make a positive difference in this world that goes further than those immediately around you.

I know that's a lot to ask of an almost one year old and I don't expect you to make the difference anytime soon, but sometime in your lifetime.

Because in you lives the energy of all the people who came before you, in you is the greatness of all of them, and all people have greatness in them, including you.    Take that greatness, theirs and the part that is uniquely yours, and use it to do something positive for all those who weren't able to finish their journey, who made the wrong choices along their journey, or who never got the chance.  Especially for Charlotte, Daniel, Rachel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Dawn, Madeline, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Anne, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Lauren, Mary, Victoria, Benjamin, Allison, Nancy and yes, even Adam. 

One year ago today you were ready to enter this world and before you leave it (in many,  many, many more years, long after my energy is cycling around again) I know you will change it for the better.