One Year Ago Today....part 2

Dear E,

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today you made your entrance into this world and changed Mommy and Daddy's lives completely in a totally wonderful way.  One year ago today I held you in my arms and you seemed so fragile and tiny, tonight when I rocked you to sleep (the first time) you seemed so strong and big and I know you will only get bigger and stronger as you continue to grow.

You are amazing, in just one short year you have learned to do so much, most of which is well documented on this blog.  And each day you teach us so much, you teach us joy, patience, sacrifice and love.

One year ago today you had a scary episode in the hospital where you choked on some phlegm, turned purple and stopped breathing for a few seconds and mommy didn't think she would ever sleep again out of fear.  Now, Mommy still checks to make sure you are breathing sometimes, and she is still waiting for you to sleep through the night.  But when I creep into your room to check on you and hear you breathing it soothes my soul.  It is Mommy's lullaby, the sound of your breath - yes, even when you are congested - snores never sounded quite so sweet.  And sometimes you still stop breathing for a few seconds and turn a little purple....usually because you are upset and screaming. Sometimes it's because you've fallen and gotten a little hurt or a lot scared, and sometimes it's because you are just so mad that Mommy or Daddy told you "no" or took away the object you weren't supposed to be playing with.  It still scares Mommy, but not as much as it did one year ago...and not enough to make Mommy change her mind about saying "no" or taking away the toy...you can keep trying though.

One year ago today you met your Auntie April and your Oma.  Today you were surrounded by friends and family all ready to share your special day with you.   And how you loved it!  You loved playing with your friends.  Your inflatable animals and your activity cube were a big hit with the other kids.

This is awesome!

One year ago today you ate your first breast milk  Today you had your first bottle of whole milk and you ate....everything in sight.  You loved being fed by all your aunts and uncles.  Despite just having had a bottle you wandered from person to person, pointing out which morsel of food you wanted from each person's plate and grinning happily when they gave it to you, or protesting indignantly if they didn't.  I'm fairly certain you ate half your weight in hot dogs, grapes, hamburgers, strawberries and watermelon.  You also loved eating,  smashing, and throwing your cake on the floor while everyone watched. Including your Auntie Krista in Baltimore and your Oma in California.  You had all 3 coasts tuning in for your birthday.  And you either didn't notice or didn't care that everyone else's cake looked different from yours. Mommy made you a cake with only fruit to sweeten it and apple juice cream cheese icing...but everyone else got frosted cupcakes and ice cream.  Soon enough you will learn the joys of real sugar but Mommy didn't want to have to peel you off the walls from a sugar high.

spoiled

One year ago today you received your first presents: flowers from the Conaways and from Grandma and Grandaddy.  Today  you were spoiled rotten by your friends and family (with more to come!).  You loved ripping up the paper off the gifts (mommy attributes this to your time spent practicing on any scrap of paper left on the floor).  You were very good about playing with each toy for a few moments before turning to the next present, with only mild coercion from Mommy.  And you seem to love all of your new toys and clothes.

spoiled rotten...but still cute

You especially liked it when your friend G played with your new toys, you chased him all over the house and once he put a toy down you pounced on it like a cat on a mouse.  You also gave both your new stuffed llama and rocking giraffe a very sweet hug as soon as you took them out of their respective bags, which melted everyone's heart.

So much awesome in
one little person...
and yes I'm bias

One year ago today you came into this world and changed Mommy and Daddy's lives forever.  Today we are so thankful for you and all the changes you have brought with you.

Here's to many more years of change, joy, patience, sacrifice and love. We love you E.  Happy 1st Birthday!

Love,

Mommy

One Year Ago Today....part 1

One year ago today I went to work at my school.
I was very tired, excited to be starting my maternity leave, disappointed you hadn't been born on the 12th, anxious about when you would be born, and nervous about leaving my students behind for a few months.

One year ago today in a town far away lots of other teachers went to school.  Lots of other kids too.

One year ago today I walked out of school early, missing out on professional development because I thought my water might be leaking, an exciting sign of your impending arrival.

One year ago today six teachers and 20 students never got to walk out of their school.

One year ago today I went to the hospital anxious and excited, figuring that they would send me back home.

One year ago today 28 people went to the hospital and never got to go home.

One year ago today I was informed that you were going to be born.

One year ago today 27 families and countless friends mourned the death of their loved ones.

In science there is something called the conservation of energy - it means that all the energy in a system is conserved, it changes from one form to another but it can't be created or destroyed, it can never get less and it can never get more.  It's a bit more complicated than that but for an almost 1 year old we'll stick to that.

The reason I mention it here is because one year ago today the energy of 28 people was released into the system.  Most definitely more than that but those 28 were very significant one year ago today.

I believe that you are part of the conservation of their energy.  Their energy cycles around, as do all peoples', and through those of us living their energy continues, never created or destroyed.

One year ago today I was preparing for the most joyous event of my life.

One year ago today there was so much sadness in the world.

One year ago today I remember thinking that I didn't want you to be born on the 14th, I didn't want your birthday to be linked to the sadness of the day.  You didn't listen to me when I asked you to be born on the 12th.  You didn't listen to me when I asked you to wait for Oma to get to Texas.  But in this ask, you listened.  You waited until the 15th to be born.

And so now, one year later, looking at the strong, curious, intelligent, wonderful, beautiful, amazing almost one year old that I have; and thinking of those 27 families who no longer have their loved one I ask you something else....

...make a positive difference in this world that goes further than those immediately around you.

I know that's a lot to ask of an almost one year old and I don't expect you to make the difference anytime soon, but sometime in your lifetime.

Because in you lives the energy of all the people who came before you, in you is the greatness of all of them, and all people have greatness in them, including you.    Take that greatness, theirs and the part that is uniquely yours, and use it to do something positive for all those who weren't able to finish their journey, who made the wrong choices along their journey, or who never got the chance.  Especially for Charlotte, Daniel, Rachel, Olivia, Josephine, Ana, Dylan, Dawn, Madeline, Catherine, Chase, Jesse, James, Grace, Anne, Emilie, Jack, Noah, Caroline, Jessica, Avielle, Lauren, Mary, Victoria, Benjamin, Allison, Nancy and yes, even Adam. 

One year ago today you were ready to enter this world and before you leave it (in many,  many, many more years, long after my energy is cycling around again) I know you will change it for the better.