Empathy

I've always thought that empathy is a very valuable character trait.  To be able to understand what other people are feeling so that you can do something about it seems to be grossly lacking.

So, understandably, we talk A LOT about feelings with E.  Her feelings, other's feelings, how her actions affect others, how others' actions affect her feelings.  Daniel Tiger helps with this quite a bit. She loves making people happy, she doesn't like making people sad.  She knows that sad choices are called that because they make people, sometimes her included, sad.  But I thought that her empathy still mostly revolved around her.

Today, she proved me wrong.

We were at Little Gym, it was the first day of the new season, so a new class.  Her bff from her previous class moved up a level so she wasn't there to play with.  It was a really small class, only 3 girls and their moms.  One of the girls E had been in classes with before and they parallel play well together.  E was happy to see her.  The other girl was new to us, but apparently not new to Gym, and she was having a rough time.

Normally kids having a rough time cry a lot, but this girl didn't cry, she just refused to participate.  Up to the point that she was lying on the uneven bar mat, in a corner of the gym, sucking her thumb in silence.  Her mom was visibly distressed. E was running around playing and then stopped and came back to me to ask

"I lay down with A?"

I figured she wanted A to play, she'd been trying to engage her off and on throughout the class, and said "sure"

E went over and lay down near A on the mat and put her thumb in her mouth.  The two girls lay there together.  That was it for the moment, they just lay there.  While E was laying there I talked to A's mom.  She was at the point that she was considering withdrawing A from Gym.  A had panic attacks in gym and refused to participate.  She switched down to a younger class so she could be in the gym with A to see if that made it better, but A was still having a rough time.  As we were talking I heard giggling, we looked over to see the two girls laying on the mat smiling and giggling at each other.

E jumped up and went to the bars with a smile and a "come swing with me!"

And A followed and it was like a weight was lifted off both A and her mom.

The girls played until E had to go to the bathroom, with the third girl joining them.

In the restroom, E looked at me and said, unprompted,

"A was scared.  I helped her"

And then we were back in gym and everyone was playing and having fun, I don't know if A will be back next week or not, but I don't think I've ever been more proud of my sweet, empathetic, compassionate little girl.